


never to heaven

by ninetiez



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner is Bad at Feelings, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Babysitters, Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Babysitting, Eventual Smut, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, I'm Bad At Tagging, Insecure Aaron Hotchner, Jack Hotchner is Adorable, Jealousy, More tags to be added, Mutual Pining, Older Man/Younger Woman, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Single Parents, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, race neutral reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:09:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28552884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninetiez/pseuds/ninetiez
Summary: sometimes i'm afraid my sadness is too big - and that one day you'll have to help me handle it.or,hotch falls in love with his babysitter. self explanatory.chapters so far:prologuechap. 1: a rose by any other namechap. 2 (in progress)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> this is just the prologue bc I didnt feel like writing a full chapter .. smh lazy bitches. new chapter will be up soon tho :))) hope yall enjoy

oftentimes, aaron wondered what you thought of him. this was unusual, scary even, for him. he was not used to caring what others thought, what people thought of his decisions. 

the night was inky black, littered with the few stars not covered up by the d.c haze. hotch gazed at you momentarily as he walked in, sitting casually on _his_ couch, eating _his_ food. it was a simple courtesy, a non-monetary payment for your watching his son. but god, did it feel oddly domestic to have you sitting there, watching t.v and waiting for aaron to get home. 

you turned around and grinned, teeth flashing and eyes crinkling. 

"hey!" you exclaimed, standing up and pausing the show you were watching. 

"thanks so much for watching jack." _not even a hello?_ he asked himself. at least his response was a thank you. 

"he went down about an hour, maybe an hour and a half ago. homework's done." you said cheerfully, picking up your tote bag from the floor and placing the things you had scattered around inside of it, preparing to leave. "he missed you, you know." 

"yeah," aaron gazed into the hall that led to his son's room momentarily, gaze soft with affection. "i would have called before bed, but we were already on the plane."

"he'll be happy to see you when he wakes up." you grinned, taking your money from the key bowl by the door as you slid your sneakers on. 

_say something to her before she goes_ , rossi would have insisted if he were there. he was always better at romancing women that aaron. three wives will do that to you. 

"have a good night, mr. hotchner." you called, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

you were already leaving. 

"you too." aaron muttered loud enough for you to hear. impulsively, he called out to you as you began to shut the door behind you. "and please, it's aaron."

he nearly slapped a hand over his mouth. 

you giggled. 

"ok, then," you said, content and planted in the doorway. "have a good night, _aaron_."


	2. chapter 1: a rose by any other name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what’s in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet;
> 
> (william shakespeare, romeo and juliet)
> 
> or, 
> 
> hotch meets his new babysitter. he is unprepared for the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know jessica is ooc
> 
> im a slut for the Fun Aunt ™ trope and i needed to have someone on the inside playing on y/n's team

the day was hot and humid, typical for d.c in the summer. though the sun has stopped beating down the brilliant peaks and architecture of the classical buildings before and around the fbi headquarters, it still felt hot and sweaty, heavy with some curse sent down from above. aaron walked down the stairs from his office to the bullpen, waving absentmindedly at morgan and reid, who had chosen to stay late. 

"what, you got a hot date or something?" derek called after him in that joked, sing-song voice that he always used when he tried to joke with his boss. keyword "tried." 

"jack's got a new babysitter, i wanna meet her before she watches jack tomorrow." hotch deadpanned, not even cracking a smile at morgan's quip. 

"ah, same difference." morgan grinned teasingly and tapped reid's shoulder when he heard a chuckle from the young doctor. 

"have a good night," hotch called as he checked his phone at the sound of a text. "don't stay too late, either."

"oh, you're one to talk!" morgan laughed, unconcerned about the stack of papers before him on his desk.

a wall of thick, hot air hit the dark haired man as he exited the headquarters, drawing a sigh out of aaron. the evening was fading to blueish-black, the happy red hues and sultry oranges saying their final goodbyes as they disappeared behind the buildings. 

he was lucky. usually, aaron would have to cancel, or reschedule, or allow his son to be in the care of a girl he had never met. luckily, the case had ended quickly. the team had worked fast and the unsure was relatively predictable. 

aaron didn't focus too much on the meeting at hand. he had met babysitters before. you would probably be nice. a tad curt with him, sure, but who wouldn't be with the father of the child you were babysitting who was also a fbi agent. 

the drive to his house wasn't long. it felt odd, meeting you for the first time at his house, just after jack had gone to sleep as well, but it was the only time that worked for his schedule before jack's last day of school. 

jack had been over the moon to learn of his new babysitter. he went on and on about how they would have so much fun, and stay up so late, and eat so many sweets. aaron smiled softly as he thought back to his son's enthusiasm, something he definitely hadn't inherited from his father. 

seeing the streets crowded with cars, thanks to the evening rush, hotch picked up his phone and typed out a quick text. 

**_mr. hotchner: there's a traffic jam on the way back. i'll probably be late. feel free to have jessica let you in, she should still be there._ **

* * *

your phone rung out from your car as you waited outside of the apartment complex you had been directed to. 

**_y/n (babysitter): coolio! i'll head on up :)_ **

you rushed up the steps to the door, ringing your new boss' apartment and hearing a light, airy, female voice answer. jessica, you thought. 

"who is it?" she asked sweetly, her voice slightly distorted by the buzzer. 

"hi, i'm y/n! mr. hotchner told me to ask to be let up, apparently there's a traffic jam. i'm jack's babysitter." you said, holding down the button to speak. 

"oh, right! he just texted me about that." jessica laughed, and you heard the buzzer ring, signaling the door was now unlocked. "come on up!"

you thanked her quickly through the microphone, and checked your phone one last time to ensure you had the right apartment. you sat in the elevator, texting aaron quickly. 

**_y/n (babysitter): jessica just let me up, i'll wait inside. she's so nice!_ **

your phone pinged just as you had heard the whooshing sound that accompanied a sent message. 

**_mr. hotchner: i'll be there in about 15 minutes._ **

you sighed at his curtness, knowing this would be another one of those jobs. 

not that you didn't appreciate the money, but you desired something more in conversation than just a quick "hi, hey, thanks, here's your money, goodbye," situation. you hoped that Jessica would, at the very least, joke around with you or something when you got there. she seemed sweet over the buzzer. 

she was, thankfully. her curly blonde hair, which mirrored her personality. she was bubbly and conversational, not so much different from you. 

"oh, my god! you must be my replacement!" she laughed and reached out to hug you, ushering you inside with a bounce of her curly hair. "oh, you must be starving, do you want some food?"

"no, thanks, i got some food on the way here," you answered, grinning at her. 

"are you sure? spaghetti carbonara!" jessica held a plate out to you, placing it down when she heard jack walk into the room. try some, she mouthed, approaching the boy. 

you smiled as you watched jessica interact with jack, motioning to you (presumably) explaining to jack what the new situation would be. he smiled and waved, bounding over to you happily, spiderman toy in hand. 

"hi," jack said, sticking out his tiny fist to shake. you giggled at the fact that a 6 year old boy was currently shaking your hand. "i'm jack." 

"well, hi, jack! i'm y/n," you shook his hand as softly as you could, grinning from ear to ear at him. "is that spiderman?" 

"yeah," he answered, holding it out to you to observe. "you wanna see him?" 

"oh, my gosh, yes please!" you smiled, taking the toy from his hand and beholding the (clearly) beloved toy. the color was scratching and there was dirt and mud splattered at the feet. "is spiderman your favorite superhero?" 

"no," jack said, tugging the action figure back from your hand. "my dad is. but spiderman is my second favorite."

"oh, ok!" you smiled at the clear immense love for his father the boy displayed. "well, i like spiderman too. his web-blasters are super cool."

"yeah, i know, they're really cool." jack made a whooshing sound with his mouth as he carried spiderman through the air in his tiny hand. 

"can i play with you, jack?" you asked, pointing to the bin of toys across the room, near the t.v.

"yeah!" jack exclaimed, taking your hand in his and running over to the bin, sorting through the toys to find which one you'd like best. "this is doc oc. he's a bad guy. but you can also play with spider-gwen, if you want." he giggled, placing both figures before you on the carpet. 

"is it ok if i play with spider-gwen?" you asked, picking her up. 

"yep." jack said, standing up and whooshing spiderman through the air on imaginary webs. you followed in suit, chasing jack as he giggled. "you can't catch me!" he teased, running faster to escape you. 

"oh, is that a challenge!" you grinned and ran a little bit faster to humor him, laughing along as jack ran about the house, barely avoiding bumping into tables and knocking over cups and glassware."oh, be careful, jack." 

jack stopped in his tracks, carefully slipping between a pulled-out chair and a smaller table with a vase on it.

"good job, buddy." you said, grinning and beginning to chase him again. "i'm gonna get you, jack!" 

jack was laughing and squealing, stopping in his tracks once again before the t.v. 

"what happened? you ok?" you asked, worried that he had hurt himself. 

"teen titans is on." jack grinned, plopping down in front of the t.v. "you wanna watch it?" 

"sure!" you sat down next to him, grinning at jessica, who had stood by the couch to observe the two of you. he's great, isn't he? she mouthed, smiling when you gave her a thumbs up. 

the door of the apartment opened after an episode or two with a click of the door lock and the deadbolt, revealing your new boss. 

and god, were you fucked. 

he was gorgeous, high cheekbones with an angular jawline and perfectly arranged pitch-black hair. his eyebrows were furrowed, as if with worry or anger, partially concealing glimmering brown eyes. brilliantly white teeth flashed in the low light of the apartment's overhead lights as he saw his son, opening his arms to pick up the small child. 

jack rushed to his father, jumping into his arms and wrapping his arms around the neck of the man. 

you heard a deep, almost gravely voice ask jack how his day at school was, met with the excited ramblings of a child nearing his summer break. there was an amused chuckle from the raven-haired man, who you only knew as mr. hotchner. 

"hi, sorry to keep you waiting," aaron apologized, ignoring the fire pooling in the pit of his belly. 

"oh, it's totally ok! jack is like, a total angel, so i don't mind some extra time with him." you grinned, watching jack hide his face in the crook of his fathers neck. you watched your boss flash the slightest hint of a smile, barely a quirk at the end of his lips. 

_dimples_ , you noticed. 

_fond of jack_ , aaron noted mentally. 

"hey, jack, why don't you go have auntie jessica put you to bed while me and y/n talk?" he used your name. not 'the babysitter,' or 'your new babysitter.' _y/n._

"okay," aaron crouched to allow his child to hop down from his hip, watching as he ran to his aunt. "night, dad."

"night, buddy. sleep well." aaron shrugged off his blazer, throwing it over the back of a chair and walking over to a cabinet, where he had stored a clearly expensive bottle of liquor. he held a glass out to you, asking if you wanted some. 

"oh, no, i have to drive back to my dorm," you answered, holding up a hand. "plus, it'd be k _iii_ nda illegal. at least for another few months."

"ah," he hummed, pouring himself two fingers of the amber liquid. _see?_ he thought. _she's not even old enough to dr_ _ink. far too young for you. you'd be robbing the cradle._ "so, jack seems to like you."

"yeah, he's totally great," you grinned, eyes crinkling. aaron admired you for just a second as he sat down, quickly pulling his gaze away from you. "plus, your sister makes _amazing_ spaghetti carbonara."

"sister _-in-law_." aaron muttered, gazing at you through the detailed glass at the bottom of the cup he was drinking from.

"oh, uh, sorry," you answered, averting your eyes awkwardly. "didn't mean to offend you."

"so," he changed the subject quickly, making you wonder what had actually happened to the wife that jessica must've been related to. there was no evidence of a wife anywhere in the house, from the coats on the coat hanger, to the lack of art or pictures on the wall. there was nothing reminiscent of a woman having lived there. "you're trained and certified in cpr, right?" 

"yeah," you muttered, shy from your earlier mistake. "aed and first aid, too."

"you're in school?" he asked, attempting some semblance of comfortable conversation, without making his initial attraction to you apparent. 

"oh, uh, yeah," you answered, almost stuttering. "i'm an english lit major at georgetown, so it's not too bad a drive from there to here, or from here to jack's camp. my professors are pretty lax with the homework too, so it's not too much of a stretch to watch jack."

"good school," aaron answered, taking another sip of his drink. "i think one of my colleagues may have been a guest speaker there."

"dr. blake?" you asked grinning. "no way! i never even knew you worked with her, that's too cool. i mean, obviously, i knew she was in the fbi, but i didn't know you were in the bau with her!" 

hotch resisted cracking a smile at your excited ramblings, watching your hands move in the air to express a deeper sense of excitement. 

"yeah, she's a good professor." aaron said, allowing, a quirk of his lips at the end, a sort-of half-smile. "and at some point, i might need you to stay late or watch jack overnight. does that work with your schedule? i'll compensate you accordingly, of course."

"oh, god, of course!" you beamed. "i'm not too much of a 'partier' per say, so i usually don't have plans for the night. plus, i don't think the english department is exactly known for its' crazy ragers."

"good, good," aaron chuckled slightly, lacing his fingers before him on the table. "jj speaks very highly of you, so i'm assuming you're pretty good."

"yes!! tell jj i say hi. henry is such a cutie, total angel to sit, too." you exclaimed, excited at the mention of the beloved mother. 

"well, it seems like youre good with kids, you have the proper credentials, and jack loves you." aaron spoke, standing up. quickly, you realized what was happening. _is he seriously ushering me out right now? we've been talking for, like, 10 minutes,_ you thought incredulously, standing in suit. "i'll text you the time you'll need to pick jack up from school."

"ok, uh, cool!" you tried to laugh off the surprise of essentially being pushed out of his house. "yeah, i'm looking forward to it." 

hotch offered his hand to you, almost as if it were a peace offering for what he was doing. you took it, trying to push away thoughts of how big his hand was and how warm it was, despite the relatively cool temperature inside the apartment. 

he took your hand, shaking it almost forcefully, before dropping it quickly. he didn't need to spend any more time than he needed to feeling your cold hand in his and thinking that he wanted to warm it up for you, or how smooth the skin on it felt. you flinched out of surprise, backing towards the door and grabbing your tote bag from the floor. 

"alright. um, have a good night, mr. hotchner. see you around," you said curtly, stepping out of the door just as you heard him mutter the appropriate response to you. you worried that you had shut the door a little too loudly in your flash of anger, but thought _fuck it_ , and ran all the way down the hall to the elevator. 

_what the hell was that?_

* * *

"jesus christ, you blew that," jessica said from the hallway. "she's super cute, too." 

"are you sure jack is asleep?" aaron quickly changed the subject, pursing his lips. 

"he's pretending to be, at least." his sister-in-law answered. "rossi would be so dissapointed." 

"i'm not gonna sleep with my son's damn babysitter, jess." he sighed, bringing back his 'unit chief' façade. 

"not if you keep that up, you aren't." jessica laughed, clearly misreading aaron's irritation. "you kicked her out faster than i've ever seen you kick anyone out. and that's saying something."

"don't you have work in the morning?" hotch asked, giving the same treatment to the blonde.

"and there it is," jessica said, grabbing her purse from the coat hanger by the door and opening it, reaching for her phone. "look, i don't know what happened, but I'd think you'd wanna be nicer to her. she's a college aged girl, for god's sake, she should be out living her life. partying. making new friends. she's sacrificing her own _personal_ time to babysit for you, and you treated her like shit, aaron." 

the door shut for the second time as she left, leaving aaron alone with his thoughts. he grabbed his glass, almost aggressively, from the table and downed the rest of the glass, the quiet of the house enveloping him. 

jessica was right about one thing. you werea fucking _college_ girl, a sophomore for god's sake. not sleeping with the 39-year-old father of the child you were babysitting. 

and as much as he liked to deny it, being unit-chief was just as much about politics as it was about leadership. imagine if word got around that he was sleeping with a 20-year old girl? his career, much more his reputation, would be ruined. 

aaron had rules. not just ruled for how to run the bau, but rules for how to navigate his personal life. 

he would not be the widower who dated around with younger girls after his wife's death. he would certainly not pursue his beloved son's babysitter, fresh-faced and naïve. 

but god, was it hard to ignore the way you were already close to his son, the way your e/c eyes glimmered in light, the quirk of your lips when you smiled and the near-music that could be heard when you laughed. 

aaron had not intereacted with his babysitters anything more than he had to in the past, and he certainly would not now.

* * *

"god! what the hell?!" you groaned when you got inside our car, sitting there with your head against the steering wheel. "that could not have gone any worse."

what did you even do to him? you tried to be angry, to slam your hands against something or scream or yell or say that you hated him already, to convince yourself that he was an insufferable old workaholic who you couldn't stand. 

but white-hot flashes of your blinding anger dissipated at the thought of the slant of his lips when he smiled, how you wanted to press yours against the thinnish slant and press kisses there forever. 

no. 

why else would he have kicked you out, if he hadn't hated you? 

he probably thought you were too young for him. too idiotic, too much to learn. you never should have brought up that you weren't allowed to drink. 

aaron ushered you out of his house, clearly desperate to end the conversation. and how he had dropped your hand after shaking it? like it was made of shit and then spat on. 

but he was so handsome. with his broad, strong shoulders and warm, big hands and pitch black hair like some makeshift hades. 

and it sobered you to think that he might hate you, that he wanted to cut your conversations as short as possible to avoid interacting with you. you finally started your car, turning the radio up all the way to try to avoid thinking about the possibility that aaron might hate you. 

you drove all the way home, unprepared for the reality of facing him again on friday. 


	3. chapter 2: a certain smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i liked to feel his desire. on the other hand, i didn’t like myself. that type of wild, cold little girl—”i have white teeth and a black heart”—seemed to me playacting for old gentlemen. 
> 
> (françoise sagan, a certain smile)
> 
> or, 
> 
> friday comes, at the dismay of both hotch and y/n.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pov im edging yall for another hotch/y/n interaction

morning came, unwelcome and harsh. it seeped through the blinds like the rigid and unflinching lights of so many interrogation rooms that hotch thought he had grown so accustomed to. rolling over in bed, his eyebrows returned to their usual position. furrowed handsomely, as if deep in thought or in the heat of a flash of anger. 

sighing, the raven-haired man rolled out of bed tiredly, hoping and praying you would pull out of the arrangement to babysit that night. he was not usually one for cowardess, or for hoping. 

aaron's very psyche was rooted in the _real, hard_ facts of the world. his job allowed little time for sulking, nor did he. he had stared into the eyes of the most depraved men and women the world had seen in a long time, interviews killers whose base instinct was to _hurt_ and _maim_ and _kill_ , but he was _scared_ of seeing a sophomore under the basis that he was mildly attracted to her?

 _this would pass_ , he assured himself. this infatuation would not last long. he was still grieving, aaron thought as he pulled a baby blue dress shirt on over his undershirt, buttoning it one by one. 

_one by one_. 

you were his babysitter first, nothing more after that. hotch stared through the milky white sheen of the curtains into the morning light, tucking in his pants and relishing in one of the few moments of calm he had during the day. 

jack would be waking up soon. and aaron would drop him off at school on the way to work, kissing him goodbye on his soft, blushing cheek and reminding the boy he'd be home (at some point.) 

there was very little time between this thought and the sound of the alarm in jack's room going off, a quiet, muffled beep from the other room. hotch buckled his belt quickly, thick, well-used fingers deftly tying the knot of his tie around his neck, tightening it to his liking. 

"what do you want for breakfast, bud?" aaron asked, leaning in the doorway as he watched his son stir awake, rubbing his brown eyes of the sleep that lingered in them. 

"hm," his son hummed softly in thought, sitting up. "waffles."

"got it," aaron smiled, one of his rare, toothy smiles, and walked out of the room and into the kitchen. turning on the thermostat as he passed it, he heard the heater buzz on and begin to hum, soft and warm. 

even from the other room, he could head jack shuffling and opening drawers to get ready for his last day of school, still sleepy. as he popped two waffles and a piece of toast into the toaster, aaron wondered where you were at that moment. 

probably still asleep in your dorm, maybe rushing to an early lecture from across the campus. aaron had been to georgetown once or twice as a speaker, and reminisced on the towering, gleaming, almost boisterous architecture of the grand university as he put his coffee in the machine. 

_english lit_ , hotch thought to himself, spreading butter on the two waffles for his son, setting them on a colorful plastic plate and calling out once more for his son. 

"jack!" he yelled, hearing tiny footsteps run through the house and into the dining room. "breakfast is on the table."

"thanks, dad." the small boy answered, nearly scarfing down his meal. 

"you excited for your last day?" aaron asked, spreading a glob of blackberry jam over his piece of toast, looking up at his child every once in a while. 

"yep! we're gonna have a party and everything," jack answered happily, munching absentmindedly on his breakfast, clearly done with the vigor of his first bites. "excited to hang out with miss y/n some more, too." 

"really?" hotch had to resist grimacing in the wake of his son's comment. "that's good, i'm glad you like her."

"she's so fun," the brown-haired child beamed, kicking his legs under the table. "you don't like her, though, dad."

"why do you think that?" aaron asked, his eyes widening in shock. pouring himself a canteen of black coffee to prepare for work, aaron leaned against the counter, carefully considering the fact that his own son thought that he didn't like the new babysitter. 

"i heard you and her talking last night," he said, blissfuly unaware of of his father's increasing discomfort.

"well," aaron paused, trying to come up with a way to convince his ever-perceptive son that he was not inanely attracted to the new babysitter. "i was just tired, jack. i'm sure she was too, college isn't easy."

"oh," jack accepted, finishing off his waffles and dashing away to prepare his backpack. "thanks for breakfast, dad!"

"plate, jack!" he called after his son, taking another sip of coffee. as instructed, the boy came back, dumped his plate haphazardly in the sink, and rushed back to what he was doing.

as aaron finished his own meal, he sighed. _what the hell was he gonna do?_

* * *

you woke, light from the open curtains forcing your eyes to flutter open. you sat up, checking your phone for the time to assure you wouldn't be late for your lecture. 

"fuck!" you groaned. _friday_. 

"keep it down," your roommate, called from the shower, yelling over the stream of water hitting the porcelain floors of the shower. 

you groaned in annoyance, sliding out of bed reluctantly and heading to your shared dresser. 

the day was already sweltering hot and humid, according to your weather app, so you picked out something that would help you stay a little farther from overheating than you would normally.

"stop hogging the shower, zola!" you yelled over the water, knocking on the door. "come on, you don't even have morning lectures today!" 

"i'm almost done!" she replied, turning off the tap for the shower with an obnoxious creaking noise. "we really need to put some wd-40 on those or something." 

"ugh, yeah," you said, leaning against the door. "i think i might have some in the closet, i'll check after lecture."

she walked out, her damp tile wrapped around her. you had met zola freshman year, she had been your roommate in the dorms and the two of you had elected to move out together into a bigger apartment. 

"we should consider a place with two bathrooms," she suggested, sitting down and taking her kinked hair out of the towel she had been drying it with. 

"yeah," you observed her for a second, her dark cocoa-brown skin glistening with moisture. "it's kind of annoying to share. but, i definitely enjoy our shower conversations." 

you walked into the bathroom, leaving the door slightly open to allow the steam to escape.

"you excited to see _mister hotchner?_ she teased, emphasizing his title, rubbing lotion into her rich skin. "or should i call him special agent hotchner?"

"oh my _god_ , shut up!" you laughed from the bathroom, turning on the shower. "i knew i never should have told you about him."

"y'know, the internet has a name for guys like him-" zola started, pursing her full lips to keep from laughing hysterically. 

"no, i don't wanna-" you began, only to be interrupted by your laughing roommate.

"he's a _dilf!"_ she squealed, laughing and rolling on her bed. 

"i'm literally gonna get out of this shower and slap you, oh my god!" you laughed with her, trying to laugh away the utter _panic_ you felt about seeing aaron again later that night. 

"why is he so special, anyways? just seems like any ordinary white guy," zola sighed over the water of your shower, scrolling through instagram on her phone. "oh my god, does he have a gun, y/n? is that it?" 

"i think he might have," you responded, scrubbing bubbles into your skin. "he was getting a drink and i could _swear_ i saw a gun on his ankle." 

"you're kidding," your friend laughed, turning onto her stomach. "well, it's believable, i guess. my question is, why wouldn't he have one on his hip? like, in his belt?" 

" _yes_ , 'cause when he picked up his kid i could totally see the holster." you began to giggle, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around yourself, much similar to what zola had done earlier. "there was this one weird thing, though," 

"oh, god, what is it? is he, like, a secret mobster or something? italian mafia?" zola smiled incredulously. 

"yeah, _hotchner_ , that's like, the most italian name ever," you said sarcastically, giggling under your breath. "but anyways, he had jack's aunt let me up, 'cause he was gonna be late or whatever, right? so i hang out, she makes me the best spaghetti carbonara i've ever had in my entire life-" 

zola gasped, mocking offense. "even better than mine?"

"i'm so sorry to bring offense to your great pasta making," you put a hand over your heart, clutching imaginary pearls. "but yes, i'm so sorry, zola, i've betrayed you."

she laughed, putting down her phone and leaning in to hear your story.

"but anyways," you continued, waving your hands excitedly. "so he gets in, right, and he's all like 'oh my god, hey, so sorry for being late," and i say to him 'no problem, your sister's spaghetti carbonara is super good,' but then he gets like, _super weird_ and he's like 'sister-in-law,'" 

"wait, so where's the wife?" zola asked, interested. 

"that's what i'm getting to," you laughed at her eagerness, the stress of having to see him later that night nearly gone, replaced by the merriment of talking with one of your favorite people in the world. "so i do a double take of this apartment, right? there's literally _nothing_ , and i mean _nothing,_ that would imply that a woman has lived there in, like, two trillion years." 

zola widened her eyes in surprise. "you're joking."

"and he gets all weird after this! he changes the subject like that," you snapped, "and then only talks to me about my credentials and shit! and, before that, he asks me if i want a drink and i'm like 'no thanks,' because _duh,_ i'm not gonna underage drink around a _literal_ fbi agent." 

"no way, he offered you a drink? from _his_ cabinet?!" zola grinned. "that's, like, the old white guy equivalent of saying he wants to hook up." 

"wait, really?" you asked, eyes wide. "ok, anyways, so after that, we talk for a little bit, I find out that, oh my god, wait, remember dr. Blake?"

zola nodded intently. 

"she works with him. like, he's her boss or something." she grinned and laughed, responding with her surprise. 

"but anyways, yeah. like, i don't even know what's going on with him. after that, he just kicked me out. he just ushered me out like he wanted me out as soon as fucking possible. it's like he just doesn't want to interact with me. like, at all." you sighed, leaning back onto your pillows and closing your eyes. 

"i mean, you have to consider the fact that maybe he doesn't. like it sounds horrible, but most people just _don't have much_ to talk to their babysitter about expect their kid. i mean, he's a 39 year old fbi agent, you're a college student babysitting for him for some extra cash. he probably doesn't exactly know how to interact with you." zola answered, watching you get up and palm at your hair absentmindedly before the mirror in your shared space. 

"yeah, i mean, i guess." you exhaled, dipping your beauty sponge into a bit of foundation and dabbing it onto your face. 

"look, i'm not saying he wasn't being a dickhead, i'm just saying not to expect too much of a relationship with him." zola said, getting back on her phone. 

"no, yeah, you're right." you said, turning to her. "thanks."

"i'm sorry your boss is such an asswipe." zola said, pitiful. 

you laughed, gathering the things you needed for the lecture. 

"yeah, it's fine. hey, i probably won't see you 'til later tonight, but don't you _dare_ keep watching shameless without me," you said, half-laughing. 

"wouldn't dream of it." she smiled. "don't work yourself up too much about him, he's a salty old white guy." 

you cackled, floating near the door. zola blew you a kiss as you strode out the door, and you blew one back, shutting it behind you.

as you waited for the elevator, you heard your phone ding. you sighed as the name 'mr. hotchner' lit up on the screen, hesitant to open it. 

_you're doing this for jack, not him._ you thought. 

_**mr. hotchner: jack's school ends at 1:45 pm.** _

* * *

**_y/n (babysitter): ok! i'll make sure to pick him up. do you know what time you're gonna be off work?_**

aaron sighed as he walked from his car to the fbi building, typing quickly that he'd probably be back sometime around 7 or 8, maybe 9 if the workload was heavy. 

the morning was crisp, heat just beginning to simmer on the pavement. june was always sweltering in d.c., the towering marble buildings of the nation's capital glistening like their own little pantheons. 

fortunately, the air conditioning in the fbi building hit him like a wall as he walked in, and aaron sighed in relief from the already-airless heat. he nodded his head absentmindedly at the people he knew as he walked down the halls to his office, raising his hand in a simple, wordless hello as he arrived at the bau.

"hey, hotch," morgan called, flashing his million-dollar smile at the older man.

"morning, morgan," aaron responded, walked up the stairs from the bullpen to his office, setting down his briefcase on his desk.

"good morning, sir!" garcia chirped as she walked in, colorful garb brightening up the washed-out colors of the office.

"hello, garcia." hotch said, still unpacking the papers in his briefcase.

"how'd it go with the babysitter last night?" she asked happily, placing a stack of papers down on the desk. hotch nearly choked. he, however, simply raised a thick eyebrow at the blonde, forcing a sheepish smile out of her. "i'm sorry, sir, it's just that we're all just so excited to hear how it went with her and-"

another raised eyebrow.

"and by all of us, i mean me and morgan. i think reid might be invested too. jj, too, since this mystery girl kinda was _her_ babysitter before she was yours," penelope blushed, embarrassed, under her boss' scrutinizing gaze.

"garcia, why don't we just keep our personal matters at home and keep our work matters here?" he asked, hardly expressed as a question, and more of a demand.

"of course sir. anyways, what i was gonna tell you, is that the whole team is in the room ready to hear the case." garcia said, grinning. she reminded hotch of you in a very real way, with her chirpy blabbering and her sheepish smiles. 

a smiling jack gazed blankly at him through a layer of glass in a pictureframe on hotch's desk, reminding him of who he was really doing this for. 

"thank you garcia, tell them i'll be in in a minute." garcia nodded, content with his answer, and rushed out of the room as fast as she could on the platforms she was wearing. 

hotch shut his briefcase, sighing deeply and shutting his eyes. _personal life stays personal, work life stays work._ compartmentalizing had worked well for him since he had started the job, and it would continue to work, he hoped. 

the days were long and the nights were sleepless. the office below the stairs seemed so happy, jovial, people milling around contentedly and doing their jobs. garcia was talking, impassioned, about something or the other, and the team was laughing and grinning at her amiably. 

and it had _taken_ , and _taken_ so much away from him, this job. a loving wife, a life where he would be able to take his son on trips without interruption, a world where jack still had a mother to make crafts for in class before mother's day. 

the door to the conference room opened, and once again, aaron threw his personal life to the side and hardened his features back to their steely origins.


End file.
